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;. 雅思大作文写作方法+常用表达【Abby阿布整理】2008.05

6 大作文task2

6.1雅思大作文评分标准细则

雅思大作文评分标准细则

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.. ;. 0 缺席考试；

交白卷；

完全抄袭背诵好的范文

6分：文章切题，语句通顺，没有明显错误（小错在6个以内），有一些比较不错的语句（复杂句、排比、倒装、从句等等）就是6分的标准了。

7分：文笔流畅，错误极少，有个别闪光点就是7分。

8分：论点新颖、别具一格，就是8分。或者论点一般，但十分切题，语言很漂亮，令人印象深刻。也是8分（不过一般这样也可以给7分）。

6.2 5～9分范文

范例6-1

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been suggested that the government should take action on the violent films and televisions which posed the violent crimes in society .The implication and veracity of this idea seem reasonable but in fact require closer examination.

First of all, the course of the increasing of the crux of the violent crimes is not the violent films and televisions. The major reason is that the big gap between the poor and the rich and with people’s moral character as well. As I see it, the governments are obligated to develop the economy and the consciousness.

In addition, if forbid the violence in films and on televisions, we will lose some excellent films, because to some action films, the quintessential part is violence and therefore, it is no benefit for neither film extent or culture.

What’s more, violent films and televisions are good negative examples, for it gives people fears who commit violent crimes .A boy in my class, who has a fiery temper, often fights with others, Once he saw a violent film of a crippled actor because of the violence, he was worried and had a lesson on it which

.. effects him a lot, finally he became a disciplined boy.

For these reasons I feel strongly that the film of violence should not be controlled and that we should objectively evaluate and criticize the issue , because we need different films and televisions, so we can learn something from them. (245words)

得分：５分

文章结构清晰，是一篇５段式的作文，但是在第４段中，作者其实是论述了与前两段不同的观点，但用的连接词却是what’s more使得这段的真正意图没有体现出来。

从语言方面来说，似乎文章用了一些好词，如implication and veracity, crux, be obligated to等等，但是仍然有些低级的语法错误，如if forbid the violence in films and on televisions这个句子是没有主语的句子，是非常严重的错误，给考官的印象非常的不好。

其次，很明显，文章单词等级的跳跃性很大，第一段用的词都不较高级别，而第３段的词句很简单而且有严重的错误。

此外，由于文章的词数也没有达到最低要求，导致失分。

范例6-2

Some people think the function of university education is to prepare students for their future employment. However, others believe that it must have other important functions. Discuss and indicate what other functions the university education can provide.

Some hold that the function of university or college education is to help students to get ready for their future paying-job. While others consider that the use of university or college education is more than the mere function. As far as I am concerned, university must have other important functions in many aspects.

There is no doubt that we go to university to improve our skills and ability on coping with the things that would happen in our future job. But on campus it is not the only function. Because university is not only the place only to study in but is a part of society where we could learn how to communicate with each other and develop ourselves’ personality.

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Whichever universities or colleges are in the world are composed with people and buildings. They are just like a small society and we can take advantage of them to make friends with all kinds and backgrounds. How we could keep the friendship is one of function we should learn in the university before we go to the true society to hunt our career. Therefore, one of the functions of university education is that we could enlarge our relationship in the university.

Honest is also another function that we could learn in the university or college. Before we take the exam, we have to promise that we will not cheating during detest and when someone is caught for cheating, he (or she) will be punished strictly. Honest is one of the basic principles for each person.

University or college is not just a place for students only to prepare their future employment but a place that students could learn how to make friends and be hoesty.

（285words）得分：６分

文章结构很清晰，５段是作文，首段和尾段分别是总起和总结；

文章句与句间的衔接处理地很一般，没有什么连接词来表达上下句的关系；

从语言方面来说，文章总体的语言水平尚可，句子很容易理解，但是也有很多语法错误，如Whichever universities or colleges are in the world are composed with people and buildings就写得很莫名。此外，文章的措辞很有限，没有什么同义词或词组的变换，句型也一般，没有太精彩的好句。

范例6-3

Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved facilities and better machinery. However, some of the methods may be dangerous to human health, and may have negative effects on local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As science in life prosper, a majority of good produced by high technology has been brought to the spotlight. Some people, therefore, reckon that several sorts of method through which food are produced have negative effects on peoples’ health as well as local community. As far as I am concerned, this argument is quiet true.

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The main reason usually given in favor of high technology using on food bringing negative effects is that the fertilizer. Farmers all anticipate their crops can grow well. However, flood or heavy rain may stop crops from growing up which lessen the profits and fertilizer which consists of special elements except normal ones can help crops grow well but these sorts of elements always do harm to our humans’ health if we absorb them.

A second argument by advocates of this phenomenon is that it can bring a negative impression of the society. Government has the right to impede food from being produced by improved facilities and better machinery so as to protect citizens’ health. In contrast, if government connives this phenomenon, citizens will not trust their government and government will lose peoples’ trustworthiness.

Nonetheless, it is pointed out by opponents of food being produced by high technology is a good method say that it can increase quantities and qualities of goods so as to decrease the high price of good, and helps retailers to make more profits and less prime cost. What’s more, much more people can taste more sorts of food with a low price.

To reiterate, though food produced by high technology has some advantages, I feel this method to cultivate food has more major demerits and why I prefer to impede this comportment. (282 words)

得分：６分

这篇文章虽然得了６分，但却是具有７分的潜质的文章。乍一看，文章的词汇和句型都有一定的功底，第一印象感觉是７分档次，但是仔细分析发现在语法上有严重欠缺，如The main reason usually given in favor of high technology using on food bringing negative effects is that the fertilizer。这个句子前半句中using应该改成used，这是非位语动词使用错误，后半句中that引导的应该是个从句，而文章却只写了the fertilizer，属于句子不完整，是严重错误。

按理来说，文章整体的词汇和句型不错，若犯了一些小毛小病，则仍然属于７分的档次，但是这篇文章中由于细小错误和少量严重错误并存，所以降到了６分这个档次。

范例6-4

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More and more people using mobile phone and computer instead of letters. Will letter disappear completely? Agree or disagree? How important is letter writing?

It is demonstrated by a recent survey that the use of mobile phone and computer are dramatically increased. In contrast, the use of written letter is sharply decreased. Some people deem that if the situation deteriorates, letter writing will completely disappear. From my point of view, I partly agree with this argument.

One major reason for this phenomenon is that as the advanced technology develops rapidly, mobile phone and computer play an important part of our daily life. We can make phone calls to our friends (at) any time. In addition, mobile phone is a good method of helping ourselves if we are in emergency. What’ more, computer has widespread repercussion for the whole society. It can do a plenty of things just like storing the majority of information, calculating a complex math problem, and bringing entertainment to our lives. The most important function of the computer is to help people chat more convenient ly through the internet.

Another reason used to justify the importance of mobile phone and computer is that they are the witnesses of the development of science and society. As we all know, the faster mobile phone and computer develop the wider human beings make step to improve the society.

It is undoubtedly that the written letter has great repercussion for the whole society. It is a necessary method to continue our history. Calligraphy, one sort of handwriting, is well known for its long-standing history and people all over the world prefer to learn it. What’s more, old p eople who occupy a large proportion of the world population are unfamiliar with high technology, which make written letter more important for them to communicate with others.

Weighing up the reasons presented above, I reach the conclusion that the use of written letter will gradually decreased but it will not disappear completely one day. (304 words)

得分：７分

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文章结构很清晰，５段式的作文，首段和尾段分别是总起和总结，当中３段为主体段。

文章用了适当的连接词，如what’s more, in addition等，使得句与句之间更有连贯性。

从语言方面来讲，词汇比较突出一点，有一些亮点词汇，如have great repercussion for, deteriorate等，总体感觉词汇有一定的宽度。句型方面尚可，有一定变化，但不多。仍然有一些语法错误，如As we all know, the faster mobile phone and computer develop the wider human beings make step to improve the society以及The most important function of the computer is to help people chat more convenient through the internet. 等，这些错误都很明显，但不影响理解。

范例6-5

Some teachers say students should be organised into group study. Others argue that students should be made to study alone. Discuss the benefits of both and state the more effective method in your opinion.

The debate over whether studying in group is superior to studying alone has long been under question and educational experts are deeply divided over this issue. From an objective perspective, I’m strongly convinced that both methods have their own superiorities. (40 words) (此段第一句对原题的改写并引题，最后一句表达中立的观点。2句话40词，在实际考试中是最适用且能拿考分的第一段写法)

One of the major superiorities of group study is that it provides an environment in which students can exchange ideas with each other. It is well known that knowledge knows no bounds, so it is almost impossible for even an eminent professor at university to have a good command of everything, let alone an ordinary student. In consequence, students should be divided into different groups or classes so that they can communicate with, learn from and help each other. (78words)(此段是分析studying in group的第一个优点，第一句是主题句，直接表明观点，随后的都是支持句，进一步分析为什么学生要在一起学习互相交流想法)

Another obvious advantage of studying in group is that students have the opportunity to learn to socialize with others. Many sociologists point out that people in modern society are more isolated than those in ancient times mainly because they do not have enough opportunities to get alone with others. ;.

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Under such circumstances, it is unreasonable to deprive the students of the chance to socialize by arranging them to study alone. (70words)(此段从一个方面提出了学生一起学习的好处，第一句同样是主题句，后面也同样的是支持句，对主题句进一步展开讨论)

We should not, notwithstanding, overlook the fact that studying alone also has its unique merit----effectiveness. In a big class, top students might feel bored because the teacher does not give them enough material to learn whereas poor students might feel just the opposite because the teacher gives them too many materials to digest. In other words, the teacher usually slows down the rate of progress or reduces the content of his lesson in the light of students with lower ability. (81words)(按题目要求，这一段是讲了独立学习的好处而不是它的坏处)

Comparing the benefits of both sides,I deem group study more effective only if the class or group is not too big. (22words)(由于上文分析得很详尽，因此最后一段只要表达出哪种方法更为有效即可)

得分：８分

黑体部分为全文的亮点，作者把课堂上所学到的好词好句全都用上了，而且感觉很流畅；

全文的观点清晰，句型多样，词汇有宽度，基本没有任何明显错误；

这篇例文，不论是从语言和内容，还是文章的篇幅来讲，都比较适合实战中使用，是一篇既实际又优秀的范文。

范例6-6

People have shown their selfishness and greed in modern society. Therefore, some people would like to go back to those traditional societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people now make various complaints about modern society, especially people’s selfishness and greed. Some of them even argue that they would like to go back to those traditional societies. Obviously, this opinion is rather arbitrary. (36words) (开头摆出一些人的观点，然后引入个人观点。)

To begin with, not everyone in modern society is so selfish and greedy that it is unbearable. It is true that some people cannot resist the temptation brought about by modern society and therefore become egotistic and greedy for wealth, fame and the like. Nonetheless, we should not overlook the fact that ;.

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more people are content with current living standards and can get along with others. (66 words) （开门见山提出支持现代社会的第一个理由。）

What’s more, it is apparent that modern society has superiority over traditional ones in quality of life. Unlike traditional societies, modern society leads people to know how to entertain and relax themselves and enjoy their life. People in traditional societies may be thriftier, but a boring and stereotype life style ca nnot satisfy people’s increasing demand for material life. Life also needs creativity and novelty. (64 words) （用逻辑连接词what’s more引出支持现代社会的第二个理由。）

Nothing in the world, nevertheless, is perfect and modern society is no exception. There is no denying that some selfish and greedy people exist in modern society, but this is not a proper reason why we should go back to traditional societies. There is no doubt that there must also be a lot of selfish and greedy people in traditional societies. Going back to traditional societies, therefore, can by no means solve the problem. (73 words)（用逻辑连接词nevertheless引出现代社会存在的问题，然后指出传统社会存在同样问题。对比法。）

To sum up, any society, modern or traditional, has its own merits and demerits and we cannot focus only on one side. Modern society, though disliked by some people, command my preference. (32 words)

得分：８分

这篇文章和范例５的风格一样，采用５段式的结构，每段的词数和内容都控制的很好。而且最可贵的是，不像有些提供的例文给人感觉很花哨且不实用，这两篇８分的例文都是按照应试作文的结构来写的，注重实用，而不炫耀文采。因此，给人感觉８分并不是那么的遥远。

范例6-7

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

Overall, I disagree with the opinion expressed.I would like to begin by pointing out that ‘traditional ;.

.. skills and ways of life’ are not automatically of one country, but of a culture or community.

In many ways, the history of civilization is the history of technology: from the discovery of fire to the invention of the wheel to the development of the Internet, we have been moving on from previous ways of doing things. Some technologies, such as weapons of mass destruction, are of negative impact. Others, such as medical advances, positively help people to live better or longer, and so very much help traditional ways of life. Surely, few people would seek to preserve such traditions as living in caves!

Interestingly, technology can positively contribute to the keeping alive of traditional skills and ways of life. For example, the populations of some islands are too small to have normal schools. Rather than breaking up families by sending children to the mainland, education authorities have been able to use the Internet to deliver schooling online. In addition, the Internet, and modern refrigeration techniques, are being used to keep alive the traditional skills of producing salmon; it can now be ordered from, and delivered to, anywhere in the world.

In conclusion, without suggesting that all technology is necessarily good, I think it is by no means ‘pointless’, in any way, to try to keep traditions alive with technology. We should not ignore technology, because it can be our friend and support our way of life. (254 words)

得分：９分

这是一篇有剑桥官方提供的一篇范文，是一篇４段式的作文结构；

从文章我们不难看出，native speaker写文章不会过分追求词汇的宽度和句型的多样。而且让文章的层次很清楚，语句很流畅，没有很做作的感觉；

内容方面，没有太大新意，但阐述得很容易理解；

范例6-8

A rise in the world’s population is having serious, negative effects on the environment. Some scientists believe that the only way to solve the problem is to set up a colony on the Moon. Others argue that the cost would be far too great and other solutions should be sought.

What is your opinion?

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